We all go through changes in our lives and most of it has to do with simply growing up, or getting older and wiser. Things you thought you focussed on back then are no longer so important or urgent.
I used to need to be needed. Psychologists will call that co-dependency. Whatever it was, it’s gone. Now I want to be wanted.
There’s a fundamental difference to being needed and being wanted. You need someone who will always be there for you no matter what’s going down in your life – the person who says ‘It’s okay, you can cry, I’ve got tissues’, or who just knows what to say or do when you’re feeling down. The practical person who always seems to have some kind of reasonable proposition in the face of challenges or obstacles. But those people are so often taken for granted. They are the ones you call on in times of trouble, but they’re rarely the ones you turn to when things are going well.
Now the people you want, well, that’s a slightly different story. There’s an element of passion in the word want. There’s a longing. You need toilet paper, but you want chocolate. See the difference? Convenience or pleasure.
We all like the needed people – they’re so reliable and just plain nice. Kind of boring too. They always have a solution for this or that and almost never need you to actually do anything useful. They come across as strong with limitless energy, compassion and wisdom. And the rare times they’re feeling down, it actually pisses you off.
Wanted people are a bit more selfish, a bit less responsible. They live more on the edge and seem to shine a bit brighter. They probably have terrible breakdowns and then reach for the ones they need, but that’s okay, they can still walk around being wanted.
So, I’m going to try to be less needed and more wanted. The only way I know how to do this, though, is to let a few people down. To intimate by my actions that I’m not quite as safe and secure as they thought. Some sneaky tactics to hint at a bit of mystery. Maybe it’ll backfire and I won’t be needed or wanted.
Gosh – which is worse? Being needed or not being wanted?
I’ll have to get back to you on that one, but in the meantime, guerrilla tactics may be required and I’m going to start off by pretending I’m wanted and see if that seeps in (after all, if you pretend to laugh, your body thinks you’re gleeful and perks up).