A funny little word.
Hard to gain, easy to lose.
Unbearably difficult to re-gain.
I’ve been thinking about the word a lot lately. Every relationship needs it. From family to business. It’s a vital aspect of all human interaction. So much is bound up in this tiny little word.
In the blink of an eye, we are able to make an initial assessment of someone. We reach deep down into history, our own, and what we know of that person, to make this assessment. If there are facts that don’t quite compute with what we believe to be trustworthy, then we move on.
Except when love and lust and dreams and expectations get in the way. Then we gloss over those little niggles and jump right in.
In business, there are mechanisms in place that protect you from a breach of trust. We have investigations, discussions, agreements and a whole rigmarole of hoops to jump through before we can begin a business relationship. But on the other side, when a business relationship ends because someone broke the trust bond, you’re easily able to call the trust-breaker all manner of names. You can bemoan your predicament to all and sundry and not be the worse off for it.
When it comes to love relationships, though, things are never quite that simple. So, you’re hesitant to talk about it, to tell anyone that’s what happened. Because you feel humiliated and a bit guilty. Because when someone you love breaks your trust, you feel it’s you that’s lacking.
Surely there’s something wrong with you if your lover isn’t fully engaged with you? Surely there’s something you did or didn’t do to create this situation?
So you dig and dig and dig inside yourself to find the reason you’re just not quite good enough. You vacillate between deep hurt as well as anger. Sometimes the hurt is so intense you can’t breathe. Sometimes the anger is so intense you can’t see.
After trust has been broken, your story can run one of two ways:
You can become immersed in your rage and hurt; you can lash out and run away. Hide your face and scream in the silence created by the void your lover fashioned.
You can make a decision to let go of the hurt and anger; you can decide to forgive and move on. You can decide to learn to trust again.
Trust, like love, can be a decision. It doesn’t have to be only what you feel. You can consciously tell the story of love rather than the story of hurt.
Try it. Who has lied to you, hurt you, broken your trust? Make a decision to live and love in trust – learn a lesson and then draw a line and never look back. That’s not to say it might not happen again, but that’s what love is, isn’t it?