beginnings & endings

Beginnings and endings. Endings and beginnings. So mixed up in each other. Embracing and letting go. Releasing and drawing in.

Whether you rejoice in your ending or mourn it, it’s probably still going to happen. Certainly time doesn’t stop moving forward despite what all the face cream ads say. This weekend I marked another year of this life. That age is at an end; a new one has begun. Whether I take notice or not, it remains a fact. But I like to embrace moments like birthdays. I like to take the time to reflect, consider, breathe. Birthdays are inevitable, but then I believe all endings are. Even when they’re tough to deal with, though, I like them – they bring forth possibilities; often ones you haven’t yet imagined.

This life is so filled with the creative spirit that it’s impossible for endings to be mere endings. Always, there’s a tiny spark of beginning, forming already long before the end of the ending. Before the dull thud of an ending is finished, the sparked beginning has already grown brighter. Sometimes, we just can’t see the forming radiance because we’re often blinded by the last heightened flash of the end.

So, as I mark the ending of another year of my life, I’ve noticed a quickening in my soul, the sound of a new beginning trumpeting through the mire of my own imaginings and often circular musings. Its extraordinary how many new beginnings there are waiting, ready to breathe life into me; ready for me to breathe life into them.

But before the beginnings, I must attend the endings.  This particular ending is something to be celebrated and never unleashed again. You see, for whatever reason, this ending is, finally, of not quite knowing what I want to do with my life, who I am. It’s satisfying to put an end to that.

Even so, trying to figure out who I am and what my purpose is has defined me for far more years than I care to admit to; and as I now hear the slow drum beat of this particular ending I realise the death knell has been thrumming through my soul for a very long time. I have been so busy marching to that same beat that I hadn’t noticed the sweet symphony of the new beginning.

Its without much pomp and ceremony that I salute this dying senselessness and embrace the new clarity that’s lit my soul with a passion I can feel in the gap between my feet and the earth. Even as I glance backwards to the old and dying [dead] way of being, its glow fades and a truly joyful smile reaches my eyes.

The answer isn’t going to mean much to anyone who isn’t me. It’s enough to say that I know it now. I can leave the mind meanderings behind. I can walk with purpose now. All I need to do is keep my mind and soul tuned in to the new song.

The new song is uniquely mine of course; but I do rather hope if you heard it, it would sound a little like this one [close your eyes and turn up the volume before you listen]:

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