what am i doing here?

Existentialism is an interesting word and one that plagues me on a regular basis. It’s spiralling in nature in that it’s difficult to get out of an existential crisis if you’re in one. All it takes is for me to have a slightly boring day, or one that’s filled with inane duties and I’m off on a navel gazing exercise that certainly doesn’t do me any good.
It becomes a mantra of self talk that goes something like this:
“What am I doing here – what’s the point of anything at all.”
Then I list all the reasons I am here and talk myself into believing (sort of) that I have a family who needs me, a good job that’s reasonably well paid, blah blah blah. I then tell myself – well, I’m here on this planet so I might as well do the best I can in the circumstance” – I mean, what’s the opposite? Not being here – and that sounds suicidal, which isn’t the point at all. But quite quickly there’s another sentence that invades, “That’s all very well, but what is the point of that?”
And so it goes.
Existentialism is about finding meaning to this life – about understanding why we are here in the first place – what to do about it. I think perhaps such a crisis can produce what’s known as a tipping point. That’s the point you get to when you say “enough is enough” and you do something about it.
We often say those words and don’t take action – we just sit and complain or bemoan the status quo. A tipping point is a beyond “enough”. It’s when we realise that we cannot do whatever it is anymore or ever again. And I’m not talking about heavy stuff that’s life threatening – I’m talking about the daily grind, the slog and the rut.
My favourite genius said that doing the same thing each time and expecting a different result is a sure sign of insanity. But Einstein was forgetting about the debilitating expectation of hope. Hope can only come about, in my opinion, if it’s based on trust. And trust can only come about if it’s based on knowledge and your own perception of the truth. You see, there are two things I think you can trust in this world – one is Nivea and the other is God.
Perhaps that’s a strange combination, but Nivea says they’ve been doing the same thing for 100 years – so you know, from historical evidence, that they mean what they say. You can find examples of people who’ve happily used Nivea to moisturise their bodies for absolute years. And God? Well, we know that when He says something, He means it. His message hasn’t changed since the dawn of time, and it’s unlikely it ever will. So with those two things, you know exactly where you stand and from there you can walk forward in trust and have hope.
Hope is only debilitating when there’s no basis for it, but the very nature of hope often means there is no basis. So, either you have delusional hope, or you have solid, fact-based hope. And fact-based hope takes all the fun out of it. That’s where existential crises creep in.
I’m seriously hoping that I’ll be able to have the courage of my convictions and move toward a tipping point that enables me to make a change that keeps the regular crisis of existence far away. I hope you, too can find your tipping point – if that’s what you’re looking for.

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