Many of us live in a precarious state of confusion – well, perhaps that’s a bit of a bald statement. I may be projecting a bit here.
So, I’ll start again. I live in a precarious state of confusion. I vacillate between the sense that I can conquer the world with one sentence and the inability to see the point of getting out of bed. Sometimes that see-saw of belief happens several times in a day.
I’m a bit impetuous and tend to embark on projects with wide-eyed passion – thinking up whole universes and making plans that would befuddle a Mensa member. At the time, I’m so sure I’m right and that it’ll all work out in the end. But, usually in the middle of said project, my wide-eyed passion turns to wide-eyed terror as I realise just how much I’ve bitten off.
I long to hide under my bed. I begin wishing wholeheartedly I hadn’t said anything at all. I wonder where on earth I got that burst of confidence that’s suddenly not there anymore. The feeling is akin to the stomach-lurching drop of a rollercoaster’s first stage.
The mind and the soul don’t always agree with each other you see. My soul wants to soar, but my mind gets mixed up in logic and reason. The mere scent of freshly cut grass or a wintery breeze can set me on a path of indomitability; a beautifully written paragraph or the first strains of a delightful melody can send me on a tangent of immortality.
I end up on a fantastical ride of my own imagination. And then reality sneaks in. I’m still in my pyjamas and my bank balance is diminished to panic status. But it’s not really reality that’s sneaking in. It’s my own mind sabotaging my soul. A couple of devilish thoughts ooze into my soul soar and bring everything crashing down.
I’d really like to lose my mind.
It’s in the way of joy.
It’s in the way of the reality I am creating for myself.
I moments like those, it’s best to turn to wisdom that may just seep into the mind as it fills the soul: http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2014/03/11/a-short-guide-to-a-happy-life-anna-quindlen/
Join me in celebrating the soul. Lose your mind for a moment.